Chairman Cross's Amusing Anthology
by Sasukeluva 4eva
Summary: Drabble-Crack Fic; A series of allegedly 'unfortunate' events that unfold around Chairman Cross as the main  protagonist; featuring Yagari, Zero, Ichiru, Kaname, Yuki, and all other favourites! Awkward sexual situations and profanity, RATED M FOR SAFETY!


**a/n: Muahahaha, new fanfic! XD**

**NOTE: You may notice that a lot of the future chapters will contain references to photography, photo-shopping or a combination of both; I assure you, it isn't relevant to any other crack drabble, but rather it emphasises the theme of 'revenge in its ultimate form' that I'll have implied throughout the chapters to come.**

**Dedication: This was inspired by the ideas that **_**Kiryuu Chick**_** helped me to cultivate; you truly are my only evil accomplice in life, koi, so thanks! This one's for you! (:**

**Disclaimer: If there was a time where I could have the opportunity to live in Hino Matsuri's shoes, then I would probably be an attractive Asian woman whom owns the world over with her artwork; since I am none of that... I can never own her masterpieces'. **_**Period**_**.**

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_Summary (full): _

_A series of allegedly 'unfortunate' events that unfold around Chairman Cross as the main protagonist; featuring Yagari, Zero, Ichiru, Kaname, Yuki, and all other favourites!  
__May contain profanity, awkward sexual situations, and many Kaien and Yuki bashings (all in the good humour... except for Yuki...); you are warned._

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**S**a_s_**_u_**k_e_**l**u_v_**_a_ **4_e_**v**a _p_**r**e_s_**e**n**_t_**s**;**

_**Chairman Cross's Amusing Anthology**_

_Kaien Cross Crack/Drabble Fic  
_(WARNING: Ratings may vary!)

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_***-Drabble .001-*  
**_

_**C**_a_t_**e**g_o_**r**_i_e_s; Humour, Slight References to Violence_

_**R**_a_t_**i**_n_g_: M (For language)_

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"Kyaaaaaaaaaaah! I can't _wait_ to post these photos! Kiryuu-kun one and two won't be pleased once the news of this leaks out around the academy!"

Kaien exclaimed with a devious grin, before he randomly cackled, thunder rolling in the distance as the silver streaks of lightning highlighted his distorted features (making him appear more insane than a shroom on cupcakes... wait... the order of that didn't seem right... perhaps he had been eating too many Kiryuu-kun cupcakes?), a starry glint cast from the lens of his glasses.

Clasping his hands together, he evilly plotted the exposure of his 'adopted' sons, all the while slowly spinning in his spinny chair.

'Cause it was a totally awesomesauce evil thing to do.

Ferserious.

You cannot deny the utter awesomeness of the evil spinny-chair shtick.

Never.

Period.

And if you do... then... then... then you're... er... lame and have absolutely _no_ concept of things that were _truly_ evil.

Yes.

He'd go with that.

'Cause it was _so_ true.

Yes.

Yes it was.

"Ooooooooh, this is _so_ much fun!"

Kaien squealed childishly as he threw the photographs in the air, having them rain down on him like colourful snowflakes as he pushed his weight around and around, spinning like a crazed madman on a sugar-high in his director's chair; never had he had so much fun! A gust of wind blew in through the window, lifting the adrift photographs (_evidence_, he liked to call them—very _incriminating_ evidence that proved his long-time sought out goal; his newest babies –insert Kaien's rabid squealing here-) with the current of air, before.

Taking.

Them.

Outside.

In.

The.

Open.

Where.

Students.

Were.

Where.

_They_.

Were.

Oh dear Lord... fml.

"Ke-Ke-Ke-Ke-ke! Neeeyaaoooh! Kiryuu-kuns' will find them! I shall _never_ get my revenge!"

-insert cricket chirps here-

The world's smallest violin is playing _just_ for you.

* * *

*-One week earlier-*

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"Noooooooo, my awesomesauceistical, superfantabulous Kiryuu-kun triple-choc whipped caramel cupcakes!"

* * *

*-Present day-*

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Not only did they commit a crime against his confections—of the Kiryuu-twin kind no less—but they squashed them and turned them into a demonic version of Yagari's face (not that his usual facial expression didn't already scare the crap outta him).

Yes, he had had nightmares for weeks after that...

In fact, when the dark-haired sensei decided to make his unannounced appearance (as per usual of a stupid-head vamp hunter such as he)—popping up just as he had been turning around with another fresh batch of his awesomesauceistical, superfantabulous Kiryuu-kun triple-choc whipped caramel cupcakes—not only did Kaien wet himself from fright, but he screamed like a little girl, and smashed the scalding hot, icing-smothered cakes in the younger man's face, ruining yet another batch; of course, Yagari had not been very happy about it.

At all.

Period.

He spent four hours after that incident chasing the director around with his anti-vampire-but-still-lethal shotgun, firing haphazardly after the terrified Kaien until he ran out of bullets (going through all three hundred spare rounds in the process), before he resorted to his long-neglected sword, which was aching to be smeared with his blood.

And being Yagari, he wasn't one to disappoint.

So from there, he rounded Kaien into a dead end (inside his own office no less), and let the sword do the talking.

It took three full days just to get the swelling down.

But it was worth it, to see the burn marks of Zero and Ichiru cupcakes imprinted on his face, doing wonton, incest-ish things to one another.

Ye Gods, when the two saw that...

–insert evil cackling expression here (with the torch light cast upon his face for dramatic effect)-

Let's just say that Kaien had _another_ reason to be afraid.

So now he wished for revenge.

For his fallen cupcakes.

Against the twins and Yagari.

Wait, he had already gotten the satisfaction of seeing the vampire hunter squirm.

So perhaps he could be ruled off... _for now_, eheheh!

Two ruined batches in less than two days... the world truly was not a justifiably fair place to live in.

-insert anime-style tears here-

"Waaaaaah, my beautiful cupcakes! I shall have me some hot revenge in the form of incriminating photography! Muahahahahaha! What a day this will be!"

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-The next day-

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"Oh Em Effing GEE, have you _seen_ these photos?"

"Omigawd, isn't that the Kiryuu twins?"

"Kyaaaaaaaaaah, I _knew_ that there was something about identical twins that leads to _this_!"

"Must have a thing for looking at their mirror-imaged self... still, _kinky_, in a disturbingly yaoi-ish, incest-ish way!"

"Hallelujah for incest!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Everyone turned.

There stood none other than Kiryuu Zero.

The guy with a gay, fetish-complex with the younger twin-version of himself.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shiznit.

"Omegod! It's Zero-kun! Is it true that you and Ichiru are in a sexual relationship?"

"Yeah! These pictures are legit! No photoshop whatsoever!"

"Those fucking _fakes_ are _not_ real! Argh! Which fucktard was it that—? Tch, shit, I _knew_ it! It just _has_ to be Cross! He's fucking _dogshit_ the next time I see him!"

* * *

-Meanwhile...-

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"'Dum dee dum, revenge is surely the sweetest! I could possibly eat it! Like my deceased, former, awesomesauceistical, superfantabulous Kiryuu-kun triple-choc whipped caramel cupcakes!' Oh! I have to make another batch!"

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-Back at Kiryuu Headquarters-

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"Zero? What's going on? Why are there all these pictures of you and Ichiru-san in sordid positions posted around the school?"

Sweatdrop.

Cusses.

"Fuck! I forgot to take those down!"

"Oh my God, what the fuck is this?"

"Exactly my point."

"Shut your hole, Yuki! Or better yet, go and _actually_ be useful for _once_ in this godforsaken plot _and burn all these fucking flyers_!"

-insert wailing Fat-Gangster-Yuki-chan here-

"Waaaaaah, Zero, why do you reject my love for you?"

"Because you're a _whore_; wait, no, you're Kaname-slut-sama-shithead's ugly bitch. That's why."

-insert more wailing here-

-Door slams-

Zero and Ichiru smirk.

Now onto operation 'Kill the yaoi-incest obsessed Pervert 'Manuke'-san.'

* * *

-Several hours later...-

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"Ah, my cupcakes should be cool by now! All I have to do is devour them before the Kiryuu-kuns' realise my artistically colourful 'revenge'! And before they can be smushed in someone's face of course!"

Kaien skipped gleefully into the kitchen, picking up the very first awesomesauceistical, superfantabulous Kiryuu-kun triple-choc whipped caramel cupcake on the pyramid-styled stack, before raising it to his lips.

_'__**Chomp**__! Munch, munch, munch!'_

Pause.

Inhales.

"Ckkgerrrrkkccch!" –insert choking noises here-

"POISON?"

-Gasps for air-

_**'THUD!'**_

* * *

-Chairman Cross's office-

* * *

"Fuck yeah!"

The Kiryuu twins stated in unison, watching as Kaien collapsed in a fit of spasms (frothing at the mouth and everything; Yagari-sensei had been right about the perfect choice of poison, that he was.) on the kitchen floor of his 'home'.

The pair high-fived, crossing with a knuckle-punch.

-insert awkward, heavy silence here-

Papers were sent flying as the pair tore away at each other's clothing; sex on the now very dead Chairman Cross's desk only seemed to be the fitting solution to their victory over the man that had threatened them with exposure, wouldn't you agree?

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_~Owarimashita~_

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End of Chairman Cross Drabble-Crack .001

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**a/n: LOL! XD **

**I laughed for no particular reason! **

**Hope you guys liked this! **

**Please review so that I can write another crack-ish, OOC-ish drabble! **

**Until next time then! **

**Ja ne! x) **

***-Sasukeluva 4eva out-***


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